After a Summer of Being Needed

The uniforms have all been labelled, the bags have been packed and after weeks of trying to remember what day it is, the kids are finally back at school.

Perhaps you have returned home after the school run and noticed just how different the house feels without them in it. The television isn’t competing with several conversations, nobody is asking what there is to eat and you can finish a thought without being interrupted halfway through.

Or perhaps you have gone straight to work, taken a younger child home with you or begun tackling the things that have been waiting since July. Returning to the school routine doesn’t necessarily mean your own day feels any less full.

But something has shifted.

For the past six weeks, so much of your day has revolved around what the kids need. Now, for the first time in a while, there may be a little more space to notice how the summer has left you feeling.

The unseen work of the summer holidays

The summer holidays can hold plenty of happy memories and still leave you completely exhausted.

Alongside the days out and slower mornings, there have been meals to prepare, arguments to settle, messes to clear and endless requests for snacks. Plans have had to work around the kids, your usual routines have disappeared, and even simple jobs may have taken twice as long.

Then there is the part nobody sees. Remembering what everyone needs, keeping track of plans, managing changing moods and trying to make the holidays enjoyable without spending an absolute fortune.

You can love having your kids at home and still feel relieved when they return to school. Relief doesn’t mean you wanted the summer to end or didn’t appreciate the time together. It simply means that being needed throughout almost every part of the day can take a lot from you.

However the first few days feel

The first day back can bring a mixture of feelings.

You may enjoy the quieter atmosphere immediately. You may miss the kids more than you expected. You might feel emotional about a new school year beginning or slightly lost now that the routine you have followed all summer has suddenly ended.

Sometimes, when you have been waiting weeks for a moment to yourself, that moment finally arrives and you don’t know what to do with it.

Your mind may still be running through everything that needs doing. You might find yourself automatically listening for someone calling your name or feel guilty for sitting down when there are jobs waiting.

Whatever the first few days bring, it may take a little time to adjust.

What would feel good today?

After spending so much time thinking about what everyone else needs, asking what you need can feel unexpectedly difficult.

It doesn’t have to be something big. Perhaps you want to put on a wax melt you have been saving and enjoy choosing the scent without anyone else having an opinion. Maybe you want to take a bath with one of your favourite bath products, eat something you actually want for lunch or watch an episode of something nobody else enjoys.

You might want to go for a walk, open your journal or pull a Tarot or Oracle card and have enough time to sit with its message. You may just want to enjoy the silence for a while.

The point isn’t what you choose or how long you spend doing it. It is choosing something simply because it would bring you comfort.

A simple grounding ritual

This gentle grounding ritual can be done whenever you find yourself with a quiet moment. You might use it when you get home after the school run or, if you drive, when you return to your car after dropping the kids off, before setting off for home or work. You can also use it at your desk during a break or at any other point in the day.

There is no need to rush or follow it perfectly. Simply take each step at your own pace.

1. Settle

Make yourself as comfortable as possible and place both feet on the floor. Notice the support of the seat beneath you and the ground beneath your feet. Close your eyes if it feels comfortable and safe to do so or soften your gaze towards something in front of you.

2. Scan and soften

Beginning at the top of your head, slowly move your attention down through your body. Notice whether you are frowning, holding tension around your eyes or clenching your jaw. As you breathe out, soften your face and gently unclench your jaw.

Continue down through your neck and shoulders, allowing them to drop away from your ears. Relax your arms, loosen your hands and release anything you may be gripping. Move down through your chest, stomach, hips, legs and feet, softening any areas that feel tight and allowing the weight of your body to settle into the seat beneath you.

3. Breathe and finish

Rest one hand on your chest or stomach if that feels comfortable. Take three slow, relaxed breaths and notice the gentle movement beneath your hand. If thoughts arise, acknowledge them and bring your attention back to your body and your breathing.

When you feel ready, quietly say to yourself, either aloud or in your head:

“I am calm, grounded and present.”

Stay here for another few breaths if you need to. The aim isn’t to force yourself into perfect calm. It is simply to notice where you are holding tension, release what you can and reconnect with the present moment before continuing with your day.

Safety note: If using this ritual in your car, make sure you are safely parked before you begin. Never attempt it while driving and keep your eyes open if you need to remain aware of your surroundings.

A gentler beginning to September

September often arrives with the feeling that everyone should be getting back on track. The kids begin a new school year, familiar routines resume and all the things that were paused during the summer come back into view.

But you don’t need to reinvent yourself simply because the calendar has changed.

Your days can find their rhythm gradually. You can return to the work that matters, catch up with what needs your attention and still leave a little room for yourself within the day.

That might mean protecting ten quiet minutes before starting work, stepping outside while the weather is cooler or making an ordinary evening feel more comforting once the kids are in bed. It doesn’t have to become another routine to maintain. It can simply be something that helps the day feel a little more like your own.

These first few days after the summer holidays don’t have to be productive, restorative or particularly meaningful. They are allowed to be ordinary days in which you slowly find your feet again.

You have spent the summer looking after everyone else.

Today, even if only for a little while, remember that you matter too.